Hazardous: Keep at Arm’s Length

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Toxic chemicals are hazardous and marked with warning symbols for quick recognition. The sooner we recognize hazards, the sooner we can take the necessary precautions.

Toxic people can be hazardous as well, since they’re a threat to relational peace and harmony. We’ve all been around toxic people we needed to distance ourselves from by keeping them at arm’s length.

What are some warning signs of someone we might need to keep at arm’s length?

Judgmental and hypercritical: They are exhausting to be around because they tear people down by quickly judging others, constantly looking for faults, criticizing every mistake, and nitpicking what others say and do.

Manipulative: Manipulators seek personal gain or control through underhanded tactics, such as making others feel inferior or dependent, playing on their pity or empathy, acting passive-aggressively, or twisting their words and motives. Such manipulation makes it difficult to live peaceably with them.

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Drama: Some people seem unhappy without drama. They overblow problems, make a mountain out of a molehill, portray themselves as victims of unfair treatment, rarely take responsibility, and blame others for their problems. Such melodramatic behavior can wear down any relationship.

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Gossip: Gossipers seem to get satisfaction from other people’s misfortunes and airing dirty laundry. They rarely share positive information about others and often twist or exaggerate the truth. Such gossip damages trust and makes healthy relationships difficult to maintain.

Envy: Envy is wanting what someone else has or not wanting them to have what they have. They struggle to be happy for others, often diminishing their strengths and achievements. It is toxic behavior that rarely remains isolated but often affects how they treat the person they envy.

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These toxic behaviors can make it extremely hard to live peaceably with others. When it comes to maintaining relational peace, the apostle Paul admonishes us, saying, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men” (Rom. 12:18). “If it is possible” recognizes limits. Peace is a two-way street, and doing your part isn’t always enough. “As much as depends on you” means you can control your actions and responses, but not someone else’s.

So keeping someone at arm’s length may not only be healthy but sometimes necessary when a peaceable relationship is beyond your control, requiring you to set appropriate boundaries. “People inspire you, or they drain you—pick them wisely.” —Hans F. Hansen