A Pebble to Me, An Ocean to Someone Else

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A supervisor publicly corrects Jimmy during a company meeting, leaving him visibly shaken. Most of his coworkers think, "Come on, Jimmy. Shrug it off. Everyone gets criticized at work."

A modern proverb says, "It may be a pebble on the beach to you, but it’s the whole ocean to someone else." Simple yet profound, it stresses two important truths. 

 

First, we rarely have a full perspective on what people are carrying. We see only the surface of their lives, unaware of their past trauma, disappointments, failures and present stresses.

 

Second, since we don't know a person's backstory, we should not be quick to dismiss their feelings as "not a big deal" simply because it would not have affected us the same way. True empathy recognizes those feelings as real and worthy of our attention, even if the situation seems small from our perspective.

 

That was certainly true in Jimmy's case. What his coworkers didn't know was that he grew up in a home with hypercritical parents who rarely expressed approval. Neither did they know two weeks earlier he was told his position might be eliminated. What looked like an ordinary correction from a supervisor reopened old wounds and fanned a present fear. To his coworkers, it was a pebble. To Jimmy, it was an ocean.

 

The Bible condemns quick judgments that produce dismissive and harsh responses. Solomon writes, "He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him" (Prov. 18:13). Making quick judgments and dismissive responses like "shrug it off" before knowing the situation is unloving. Such careless and dismissive words "pierce like swords" (Prov. 12:18).

 

The Bible calls us to empathy that seeks understanding so we can respond with compassion. In 1 Peter 3:8, Christians are called to be compassionate, loving and tenderhearted. The Greek word translated "compassion" literally means "to suffer with" or "to share in another's experience." It beautifully describes the biblical call to understand another person's pain. That is empathy at its core.

 

When it comes to loving people as Christ did, we, unlike Christ, rarely know the whole story. Therefore, we must humbly recognize the limits of our own perspective and seek understanding before we respond. Only by recognizing that what may be a pebble to us may be an ocean to someone else can we respond with Christlike compassion.

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Written by Craig Ressler